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How to Train Your Skateboard

How to Train Your Skateboard

Regular price £16.98
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"How to Train Your Skateboard" is a whimsical guide blending humour and practicality, perfect for enthusiasts of sports and adventure. Authored by renowned skateboarder and writer, Alex Thompson, with illustrations by acclaimed artist Jamie Lee, this book offers a unique take on mastering skateboarding skills. It delves into themes of perseverance, creativity, and the joy of learning, making it an engaging read for both beginners and seasoned skaters. Through imaginative storytelling and expert tips, readers are invited on a journey to discover the art of skateboarding, transforming challenges into triumphs with every turn of the page.
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Description
"How to Train Your Skateboard" is a whimsical guide blending humour and practicality, perfect for enthusiasts of sports and adventure. Authored by renowned skateboarder and writer, Alex Thompson, with illustrations by acclaimed artist Jamie Lee, this book offers a unique take on mastering skateboarding skills. It delves into themes of perseverance, creativity, and the joy of learning, making it an engaging read for both beginners and seasoned skaters. Through imaginative storytelling and expert tips, readers are invited on a journey to discover the art of skateboarding, transforming challenges into triumphs with every turn of the page.
Track Listing

Put My Head Through A TV And Watch Me

Have The World's Hottest And Horniest Girls Lay Naked Covered In Money And Set Up Landmines Around Them So That I Step On One When Running Over There

Gag Me With A Spoon Until I Hurl Up My Internal Organs

Play An Atypical Game Of Pin The Tail On The Donkey Blindfolded, And I'm The Donkey!

Put An Awesome CD On So That I Headbang So Hard My Head Snaps Off My Neck Like A Pencil

Put Me In Prison So That When I Try To Escape I Get Caught In The Guard Tower's Spotlight And They Shoot Me

Decapitate Me With A Gnarly Battle Axe

Take Me To A Racidal Concert, When I Stagedive Everyone Will Move Out Of The Way. Also, There Just Happens To Be Spikes Set Up On The Floor In That Exact Spot

Tell God How Bogus Or Mental I Think He Is So That He Smites Me With Lightning

Tell The Devil How Excellent I Think He Is So That He Strikes Me With Lightning

Set Up Spikes On The Sidewalk, My Hair Is So Long That I'll Trip Over It And Land On The Spikes

Cut Down A Jumbo Redwood Tree Right Next To Me

Bring Me To A Barber Shop Where The Dude Is Drunk So That His Hand Slips And Cuts My Head Off

Throw A Banana Peel On The Floor At The Foot Court In The Mall So That I Slip On It While Trying To Roller Skate, Upon Impact My Skull Shatters Like Glass

Put Me In An Arcade Game So I Get Chased By An 8-Bit Ninja

Put Me In A Gnarly Spaceship And Send Me To Planet Kron von So I Get Attacked By Dorkords And Gluegords

Slit My Vein; It's Tubular

Tell Some Bodaciously Busty Babes To Stand On The Other Side Of The Road So That I'm Distracted While Crossing And Some Dillhole In A Van Runs Me Over Turning Me Into A Human Pancake

Bring Me To A Momentous Party Lurking With Creeps So When I'm Not Looking Someone Shoots Aids-Infested Dickwad Into My Beverage

Wedge A Detonation Devide That Explodes Upon Semen-Contact Up My Buttocks And Then Cross-Dress Me So That Some Dude Thinks I'm A Dudette And Tries To Take Me On A Date

Lace My Scrumptious Soda Pop With Arsenic

Lace The Highschool Pizza With Mega-Toxic Waste So That My Teachers And Classmates Become Space-Mutants Hellbent On Canceling The Return Of Christ By Eating My Brain

Print Me Into Money

Loosen The Screws On My Skateboard So That The Wheels Break Off Causing Me To Fall And Smear My Face Onto The Road Only To Be Licked Up By Dogs

Give Me Heroin

Mutilate My Guts With A Majestic Chainsaw Of Fury

Put A 50 Ways Album On The Turntable And Crank It So Loud That My Eyes Bug Out And My Mental Brain Bursts Into Gore That Resembles Confetti Laced With Spaghetti

Put Me In A Cannon And Shoot Me Into A Brick Wall

Churn Me Into Cream

Frame Me For Murder So That I'm Forced To Sit In An Electric Chair That Will Make Me Into A Black Skeleton With Spiky Hair

Blast My Brains And Face Onto The Wall With A Double Barrel Shotgun Of Doom

Cover Every Inch Of My Heinous Body With Nicotine Patches

Cover Every Inch Of My Heinous Body With Leeches

Convince A Horse To Date Rape Me So That When I Give Birth Out My Anus And It Comes Out As A Centaur, I Have A Heart Attack

Dress Me Up Like A Cow So That When Cowboys Brand The 50 Ways Grave-and-Thumbs-Up Logo On Me It Burns So Bad That I Pass Away And Enter Heaven

Feed Me To 130 Starving Cats

Catch Me In Your Store's Dumpster Seeking Fresh Trash To Eat, Get Offended By It, And Turn On The Trash Compactor

Hand Me My Guitar So I Shred Riffs Of Devastation, Causing Volcanic Eruptions And Lightning To Strike Me Down With Grim Force More Deadly Than The Lightning Described In Tracks 9 And 10

Build Me A Car With A Keyboard And Mouse Instead Of A Steering Wheel So That I Drive Through A Carpal Tunnel

Put Dynamite Sticks In My Birthday Cake Instead Of Candles So That When I Blow Them Out And Make A Gnarly Deth Wish It Comes True

Tie Me To The Train Tracks So A Most Unearthly Choo Choo Train Comes And Splits My Body Causing My Intestines To Stretch For Miles

Use Totally Abominable Black Magic To Turn Me Into A Chicken So That I Get Made Into Nuggets

Sand Down My Slap-Bracelet So When I Go To Slap It Onto My Wrist, My Hand Gets Cut Off And My Own Hand Flips Me The Middle Finger As I Perish

Strap Weight To My Body And Make Me Ice-Skate On Thin Ice

Have A Surfer Make A Noose For Me So I Can Hang Ten

Lock Me In A Freezer

Lock Me In An Oven

Pay For My College So That I Become A Most Triumphantly Wise And Skilled Doctor, Then When I Perform An Abortion, Radical Pro-Lifers Hunt Me Down And Slay Me

Decapitate Me, Hollow Out My Head, Put A Candle In It And Put It On Your Door Stop On Halloween

Leave Me In The Desert To Rot, For My Barbarically Excellent, Suicidal And Bloodthirsty Escapade Of Deth Has Now Ended...

Details
  • Product Type: BOOK
  • Barcode: 9781837760060
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